The Journey Continues – Seeing Clearly

eye of Ra

Have you ever had something you knew you had to do that scared you so much that thinking about it literally caused you to freeze in your thoughts and actions? I thought I had faced most, if not all, of those kinds of fears in my life. Recent events have shown me that I’m still very much vulnerable to fear.

For two years, I’ve put off having cataract surgery. There are a couple of reasons, but the one that really counts is the fear connected with having someone mess with my eyes. Now, they’re getting bad enough that I know it can’t be postponed any longer. I let my optometrist know that I was finally ready to have it done. (Heart pounding as I did so.)

I’ve talked to many people who have either had it done or have known someone close who has had it done. Almost everyone of them has said it’s no big deal and that I’ll be so glad I had it done once I see the results afterward. Great! Except for this petrifying fear I’m experiencing connected to the procedure. Is there something I’m missing that’s creating the fear? If so, what can I do about it?

I put myself under a “microscope” and started looking at where all this fear might be coming from. I already mentioned I didn’t like the idea of someone messing with my eyes and that I believe is a trust issue. What if they make a mistake and I end up with no sight? I use my eyes so much – reading, writing, artwork, driving, – just to mention a few things. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without my sight.

There’s more to it then that though and I knew that. I gave it a lot of thought and remembered an incident in the early 70s, when I was at a girlfriend’s apartment, where I was lying on her couch and her cat jumped up on the couch close to my face. I’m sure the cat meant no harm but he saw my eyelashes move as I blinked my eyes. In an instance, he batted at my right eye – with his claws out – and I ended up in the local ER because he had scratched my eyeball! Fortunately, there was no permanent damage, but I did have to wear a patch over my eye for a few days to allow it to heal for the scratch I’d received.

Ever since then, I’ve had a problem with anything, other than my own finger, getting close to my eyes. I just didn’t realize why until I remembered my friend and her cat. How very interesting. Now the question is, what can I do about this?

Nine years ago, when I had all my teeth pulled, I had such a fear of the dentist from my childhood years that I was panicking over something that I very much wanted done. In that instance, I would be put totally out with anesthesia while all my teeth were pulled, but the dentist…the fear was still there. In that instance, I did some energy work with myself. It’s called “Energy Psychology” and tapping is used. It’s quite similar to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and parts of it are even derived from EFT, but it’s a little more involved. The process is called “The Basic Recipe” and I’ve talked about it in previous articles. So, I have this to use to try to dial-down or even remove this fear and dread I feel.

There’s also aromatherapy. After all, I just finished the course that makes me a Master Clinical Aromatherapist. There are a number of combinations of oils (blends) that are for stress, anxiety, and such. So, if I’m really sincere about getting over this before the actual surgery takes place, I have this tool as well to help me.

I think the thing that really bothers me the most is that they don’t put you totally out for this type of surgery. You see, even with the dentist, where they do put you totally out, I came out of the anesthetic while the dentist was still pulling my teeth. I freaked. Thank heavens I had some lavender oil with me and told them about it so they could grab it, allow me to inhale it, and calm me down. I don’t want to come up from this partial anesthetic and see the surgeon coming at my eyes with anything!

I’ve googled “cataract surgery” and read that, under some conditions, they will totally put you under. I would much prefer this. I think it would relieve some of the anxiety that I have. All I can do is talk to them about this when I go for my eye evaluation next Tuesday. Perhaps they will agree that if I have that much fear and anxiety it would be better to totally put me under.

In any event, the surgery has to be done and I have to find a way to face this fear and get through it. Just writing about it now has increased my heart rate and brought tears to my eyes. I clearly see there’s a problem and, in reality, no one can heal this but me. Life certainly has its ways of bringing the lessons we need to us!

So, I’ll be tapping and smelling my way, hopefully, to less fear as the dates for the surgeries are set. Perhaps, once on the other side of this, I, too, will be able to say it was no big deal.

Mysterious eyes

Love & Blessed Be