We’ve been traveling for quite a while now through this particular maze that’s been my life. We’ve found some pieces to my unique puzzle and begun to put them together. Some may ask why I’ve chosen to write about this, to tell you of my journey. Arrogance? Ego? Not really. Oftentimes it takes realizing that we really aren’t all that different from each other that allows us to recognize that “If he or she can do that, then I can too!”
My journey, and where it has led and will continue to lead me, may be unique in that it is strictly my journey, but that doesn’t make me any different than you when it comes to my hopes and fears. My life experiences may have been different than yours, but that doesn’t mean my joys and sorrows have been any greater or more noble than yours. And doubt? Well, let’s just say we all have them to a greater or lesser degree.
Doubt and fear are like Siamese twins. Where you find one, the other is usually lurking around some corner. The thing about these two that they really don’t want you to know is that they are both products of the indoctrination your ego received from the time you were old enough to understand. What they don’t want you to realize is that your “true” Self – that which some call the Higher Self – has no fear, no doubt. From the Source which created us, and of which we are a part, there exists only unconditional love. So how do you get from where you are to that better place where fear and doubt are, at the most, background noise that’s easy to ignore?
I didn’t begin to realize that almost everything I had been taught thus far had been based on an illusion until I was headed for my middle 40s. That inquisitive nature of mine led me to question how one makes a better connection to that part of me that some call the soul and others call the Higher Self. This was only the natural progression of my journey that began with the question, “Is this all there is?” The journey, however, has proven to be far more difficult than I believed it to be. You see, I felt there was some “magic” button you pressed or connection to be made that could happen almost like flipping a light switch and “Voila!” – connection to Higher Self established.
For some few that might actually be true, but I think it all depends on how intensely indoctrinated you were and how deeply your life experiences have left you wounded. The “baggage” we each have accumulated varies in size and weight. Some of us emphatically deny it exists while others hold on to it in desperation, refusing to let go. Then there are others, like me, who are willing to let go of anything impeding their progress but not realizing just how much we are carrying. We find out that some of the stuff is like flypaper and just refuses to be gotten rid of, no matter what you try to do. You see, the ego has been trained so well in the realms of “pain and pleasure” that it sometimes refuses to let go of what’s making us miserable if that means heading into the “Unknown”. The ego fears the Unknown because it might bring something even worse. (Such an optimist!) Better to stick with the Known, even if it does cause us pain rather than to gamble and perhaps lose, thereby making things even worse. Did you recognize the voices of Fear and Doubt there? Yup. Say it loud and say it proud…”Don’t take a chance. Be afraid, be very afraid.”
The Higher Self, in its vibration of Unconditional Love, doesn’t know either Fear or Doubt. Taking a chance, venturing forward, being vulnerable are all exhilarating. The world is filled with wonder and awe. We knew that as children…until it was programmed out of us. Being vulnerable is something we are taught is a bad thing. But what does “being vulnerable” mean?
The dictionary tells us that vulnerable means 1. Capable of being hurt or damaged. 2. Liable to attack, assailable. More than that it means always playing it safe. If you always play it safe, the joys in life disappear; everything becomes black, white and shades of gray – no reds, greens, blues, etc. Life becomes one HUGE monotone where everyday is the same as the day before and you’re always tired and find little joy. For some, emotional numbness becomes a way of life or the only emotions they feel are frustration, anger and depression.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not advocating we all do away with our egos nor am I suggesting we all live life with reckless abandon. What I am suggesting is that there’s a reason why we have both an ego and a Higher Self. If we have both, shouldn’t we be using both? The ego has its place. After all, it is our personality for this lifetime and helps us to learn and achieve what we came into this incarnation to do. The Higher Self is that core essence that exists through all lifetimes and is part of and keeps us connected to the Divine Source. We are both.
If we are unwilling or unable to make that connection to our Higher Self so that we may benefit from all that our spiritual side has to offer, then life will remain miserable and continue to seem hopeless. That, my friends, is the illusion. There is absolutely no reason for any of us to live in Fear or Doubt or to have to continually struggle. To make oneself vulnerable, to dare to reach out and touch that part of ourselves that is Unconditional Love, to chance changing our lives for the better, that is what life is really meant to be…an adventure! Geronimo!!!