Journey Log – Day 11: A Trip into the Past

The road had led us to the Law of Attraction and the other Universal Laws the last time and I want to continue up that road a little further for now.

I recently went to my 45th class reunion (yes, I did just say 45th).  I had never gone to one prior to this.  School was never that great an experience for me.  It wasn’t the learning.  I did pretty well there when I actually did the work.  It was the people I went to school with – my fellow classmates.  There were a lot of bad memories from grade school on up through high school.

My point is that I don’t think many of us really realize the baggage we’ve been carrying around with us for years and years that prevents us from becoming and being who we intended on in this lifetime.  We try to convince ourselves that it’s all in the past and doesn’t matter anymore.  Oh, that it were true!  For some it is, but for many those hurts are still there festering and creating fear that stops us in our tracks from doing things we really want to do and being who we really want to be.

As an example, I offer up an incident that happened to me in the fourth grade.  There was a contest in each class to paint a nursery rhyme picture and the one that was the best in each class would be framed and hung in the lobby of the school.  I was so excited!  I was good at art and I really believed it would be my painting that would be on display representing the fourth grade.

I worked very hard on it, paying close attention to detail.  My nursery rhyme?  The Three Little Pigs.  It looked great!    When the day came for the judging, I felt confident.  The fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Miley, was the judge.  She quickly had it down to two paintings – mine and that of another girl, a friend, named Jane.  Jane really had no interest in art and really only did the painting because we all had to participate.  Well, the final decision came and Jane won.  I was devastated.  I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t won.  Even more, I couldn’t believe that Jane had when she didn’t even care about it!

Okay, so I was 10 and this was only a class contest.  No big deal, right?  Well, obviously it was.  Over the course of more that 40 years, this one incident caused me to lack self-confidence and repeat the same scenario over and over again especially where any type of art work was concerned.  It took me years to figure out what was happening and when I traced it back to fourth grade and the art contest, I was in disbelief.  How could something that long ago still be affecting me?

Some emotional and psychological wounds are deeper than any of us would care to believe.  We silently, often unconsciously, grieve for the wrongs that have been done to us or that we at least believe have been done to us.  We carry the scars like badges of honor and then in order to perpetuate the role of the “victim” we believe ourselves to be, we recreate similar scenarios over and over again.  This reminds us, and reinforces within us, that we are victims and nothing will ever be any different.  The really tragic thing about all this is that most of us are so unaware that we are doing this that we wonder why our personal world is far less than we want it to be.

Thoughts are things and you do get more of what you focus on, even if you’re doing it unconsciously.  For every wound that isn’t healed from your past, not only are you lugging around heavy, useless baggage, but you are vibrating to the Universe that you want more of the same.

Not everyone needs to know where the roots of their fears and other negative emotional habits originate from, but some do.  Everyone should take some time to be honest with themselves as to why their lives aren’t the way they want them to be.  Notice I did say honest because the  circumstances that you might want to blame are merely manifestations of your own vibrations emanating out into the Universe and being returned to you.  So perhaps it’s time to clean out your emotional closet and see what you have crammed in there that could be holding you back.   Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help if you discover something you really don’t think you can work through on your own.  Even an honest friend might give you a perspective you hadn’t thought about.  Of course, professional help is always an option as well.  The point is, if you want to change your life, you have to change your vibrations.  That often means unloading some outdated, useless junk that’s been taking up space within your being for far too long.

That’s what my trip to my class reunion was really all about.  It wasn’t about facing those who were cruel to me and settling any scores.  It was about me feeling the fear of those wounds and walking into that reunion anyway.  The reality of those old wounds, and the accompanying fear, is that, more than likely, the other person doesn’t even remember.  The continuation of that pain is all imaginary…a long-running nightmare…that needs to be released.  Do I think I accomplished that?  Well, do you believe in signs and omens?  As I unlocked my car, in the parking lot of the reunion, it was dusk.  I opened the door and a bat, symbol of rebirth, flew over the top of my car from the back to the front as if to say, “Time to move forward.  Time for rebirth.” Yeah, think I got this one right!

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2 responses to “Journey Log – Day 11: A Trip into the Past

  1. Super Post! Digging into those shadow areas of our lives is paramount to becoming the REAL person that we truely are. Now onward into infinate possibilities!

    ‘You have done well, Jedi.”

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