There may be some of you that think I’m crazy when I tell you the basis for this particular article. In all sincerity, this is my truth and I felt the need to share it with you.
Throughout my life, things have been strange, mysterious, and even quite scary at times. From apparitions standing at the end of my bed before I was even old enough to go to school, to a disembodied hand over my face, to objects disappearing only to reappear in the same place months later, the list goes on. I’ve led what, I later realized, was a very different kind of life.
The one that was really unsettling for me started happening when I was about 13 years old. I was in 8th grade science class with Mr. Zimmerman (also strange that I would remember not only his name but what he looked like after 60 years). He’d be talking about something scientific and all of a sudden my mind would wander.
The thing is, it wouldn’t just wander willy-nilly. I’d start thinking about what it might be like to not be alive anymore. Not the suicidal, “I’m gonna take my life.” kind of wondering. More like, “I wonder what it’s like to not have a body and be in this reality.” kind of thing. The next thing I knew, I was “flying” through space with absolutely no awareness of where I had been – the classroom.
Suddenly, Mr. Zimmerman would be calling my name, evidently more than once. I’d snap back to the awareness of being in class and everyone, including my teacher, would be looking at me. It was quite embarrassing. This didn’t just happen once or twice. All I had to do was let my mind drift to thoughts of Death and what that would be like and, wherever I was physically, mentally I was far, far away in the depths of space.
I think I was close to 20 when it stopped happening. I’m not sure if it was because of my age or the fact I had become deeply immersed in “adult” life with marriage, child, and job. Whatever the cause, it just didn’t happen anymore.
At some point in all our lives, I think most of have had at least one moment where we wonder about what Death is like. The reality of it is, we really wonder what it will be like after we cross through the doorway of Death into what lies beyond. Then comes that question, “What does lie beyond?” My trigger from 8th grade science class.
I think it’s only natural to wonder about something that seems unknown to us. The fact is, if you believe in reincarnation, you know you’ve been through this before. We just don’t remember. Most of us don’t remember our birth into this life nor do we remember our really early years of childhood. Why would we remember our last life or death?
There are those who have concluded that one of the main reasons we don’t remember is that it would encumber us in our new life and the lessons/learning that could help us to spiritually elevate ourselves. In other words, we get a blank slate at the beginning of each new life to see what we can create and what we can learn. That somewhat makes sense.
Not remembering Death, and what lies beyond, often leaves us fearful. This existence seems so real. Whether it’s a happy or sad one, it’s the one we know and remember and, some day, it’s going to come to an end. Eek! Being able to at least understand what Death is could help alleviate some of the fear linked to dying.
In Eden Gray’s book, Mastering the Tarot, Death is card 13 in the Major Arcana and, interestingly, the keywords are change, rebirth, renewal. The interpretation reads, “Renewal, transformation. Birth of new ideas, new possibilities. Destruction of the old, followed by birth of the new.” The card is telling us that even as the clouds draw up water into themselves, the rain falls to Earth again, and the cycle repeats over and over again. In other words, there is a constant circulation of the Life-force. It comes into being and then flows out again in constant repetition.
It becomes imperative that we begin to look at Death from that perspective: one of renewal and rebirth rather than an ending; a finality. Just as the seasons turn one into the other, eventually coming back to the beginning, the energy that is the truth of who we are is born, lives, dies, and is born once more. If we can become comfortable in the belief of this new concept of Death, then we need not fear it.
At the age of 73, even though I have no idea how much longer I will walk on in this incarnation, I do know that most of my life has been lived. Which makes it doubly interesting that, in the last few years, I’ve begun to have those moments again of wondering what lies beyond Death’s door and finding myself adrift in the cosmos. It’s a pleasant feeling – strange, but pleasant. I’m not sure if this is what awaits me/us. It has been said that what you believe is what you will find after you cross through the Veil to the Afterlife. Whatever it is, if it is as pleasant a feeling as my little excursions, then I have nothing to fear.
May your present Life and your Afterlife be filled with joy and love!
Love & Blessed Be