The Journey Continues – Self-Respect & the Use of “No”

The Star

When I began to learn to read Tarot cards, some 45 years ago, I used a wonderful book entitled, Mastering the Tarot by Eden Gray. It’s a wonderful book for learning the Ryder-Waite deck of the Tarot. I learned a great deal from it, as can be viewed in that copy I still have with its red-ink underlines.

Although the book has both meanings for the upright cards and the reversed ones, I chose to just keep my cards upright and let them tell me if there was a “reverse” meaning that needed to be given to whoever I was reading for. The Ryder-Waite deck is especially good for allowing such messages to come through with its wonderful illustrations that include backgrounds that can be quite revealing when doing a reading.

I learned that the while the Minor Arcana would speak to us of mundane affairs, for the most part, it was the Major Arcana that spoke to us from a higher perspective. It could reveal things of a spiritual nature or could give us messages from the Universe/Creator. I found these to be especially important.

One of these cards was #17, The Star. While the book meaning is “Courage, hope, inspiration. Gifts of the Spirit. Health will improve. Unselfish aid. Great love will be given and received. Insight into the meanings of life. No destruction is final.” I found it coming up quite often in readings of women, in particular, who gave of themselves to the point where they had nothing left for themselves. These women had come for a reading to hear something that would tell them that there was hope; there was happiness; there was love to be received.

You see, unlike the image in the card, these women gave and gave and gave to family, friends, employers, and others, without even considering to give something to themselves. They had now reached a point where they felt used and abused by those who accepted their kindness and giving nature, but gave little, if anything, in return. Feelings of sadness, even depression, anger, and resentment were now filling their being.

And what of that image in the card? What does it show that should be revealed? I found the message that was really important to be relayed to these women was that balance in giving – giving to yourself equal in quantity to what you gave to others – was a necessity to keep ones balance and to keep from feeling resentful The woman is pouring equally into the pool of her consciousness and onto the Earth (representing the earthly or mundane part of life). This is the truth of cosmic/spiritual energy. (Represented by the eight stars with eight points. Eight being the number of manifestation.) It’s always about balance. Our own happiness is just as important as the happiness of others.

But how does one accomplish that? It’s both easy and difficult. You see, we have always been taught to say, “Yes.”, but, even when we were little, saying “No.” often led to punishment. The message to our young minds was that we were not allowed to refuse another person’s request of us. Once embedded in our consciousness, we never questioned that, as adults, we could change that and say “No.” when we really didn’t want to do something.

Another factor, that began early with most of us, is a piece of programming called “approval.” To say “No’ means to gamble on the chance of losing someone’s approval, having them get angry with us, and perhaps even stop liking us or stop being our friend. In our minds, we say to ourselves that it’s not worth the risk. So, we say “Yes” when we would really rather say “No.”

As a result, both women and men, find themselves walking through Life, unable to bring themselves to speak the word “No” and burning themselves out with their own kindness and generosity; feeling exhausted, used, and resentful. They pray for some ‘alone time,’ but refuse to give it to themselves. They hope for the ‘spare time’ to do something they’d really love to do, but refuse to allot themselves that time because someone among their family, friends, co-workers, etc. has asked them to do something with them or for them.

Pardon this old Taurus’ bluntness, but ENOUGH!!! No one can give you what you refuse to give to yourself. How can I say that? I’ve been there and did that for decades. Then I told myself, “Enough!” and started respecting myself and what made me happy and realizing what didn’t make me happy. That’s the key.

It's okay to say NO 2

If you allow yourself to be self-respecting, you’ll find more happiness, more hope, more inspiration, and your health will improve because you’re now coming from a place of balance where you are now giving to yourself equally to what you give to others. Your kindness and generosity are no longer being done from a place of duty or approval but because you want to do something. You not only will see the joy in doing something but also in refusing when you want or need to do so. You no longer are a slave to the word “Yes” but have found balance and self-respect in the use of the word “No.”

We were given free Will for a reason and we always have a choice, even if we think we don’t have one. If you haven’t already, choose self-respect and choose to learn to use the word “No.” more often. It is then that you will actualize the energies contained in the meaning of The Star. I hope you will allow yourself the opportunity to experience these.

It's okay to say NO

Love & Blessed Be

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