The Journey Continues – What is Aloneness?


I don’t imagine there are too many of us who, at some stage of our lives, haven’t felt alone. That feeling that you have been deserted, abandoned, left to fend for yourself, having no one who cares what happens to you. Especially when you’re younger, any situation that creates this feeling within you can leave a deep recurring mark on your body and mind that will repeat itself, if not brought out into the light and closely examined.

For me, the incident that created that sense of being abandoned, now is viewed by the older me as something insignificant. At the time, it was devastating to the seven-year-old I was then.

To tell the story briefly, I begin by stating I was an only child. My parents were much older than me, old enough to be my grandparents. They had never left me with any kind of “sitter”, ever, up until then. We had gone back to visit my older half-sister (my mother had been married before and had grown children from that marriage) and I had gone to school that day with my niece who was but a year younger than myself.

When the time came to ride the bus back to their house, we were taken instead to a neighbor’s house where we were to stay while my parents and my sister with her husband went to dinner. Shouldn’t have been a problem, right? Wrong. Remember, I had never been left with a sitter before. I didn’t know what to expect.

When it came time, to me, that they should have been back, I started to panic. I actually became hysterical and curled up in a ball in a corner. The neighbor woman tried everything to soothe me and calm me down. She even tempted me with chocolate ice cream. I was having none of it. In my mind, they had left me and I was all alone with strangers.

Long story short, when my folks did get home and learned the state I was in, my father was angry. He didn’t understand. All he knew was I had embarrassed him with my actions. That only made things worse for me because now I saw that they didn’t care (of course, this was in my mind). It left a mark, a lasting impression, that I would carry forward through the rest of my life until I finally came to terms with it almost 60 years later.

Abandonment issues are merely one of the many reasons a person can feel alone. It is also one of the reasons people can fall into a state of codependence. You will do almost anything to not feel that feeling of emptiness, often accompanied by panic, that you felt that very first time. Even a bad relationship is better than being alone, feeling abandoned, once more. That’s the feeling of desperation we are left with from our experience.

The truth is, we are never alone, even when we would vehemently argue that we are. We just can’t be, being who we truly are. It is the journey we have chosen in these physical bodies that creates the illusion of separateness.

Belief plays a big part in this. I’m not talking about religious belief, although that can be a help. I’m talking about the realization that everything, including us, is energy moving at different rates of speed. That means we are all connected by virtue of our source – what makes up who we are. A cat, a dog, a tree, a rock, people…we all have the same source as the material that makes up who we are. Therefore, we are all connected. We are not alone.

Now, if you want to take it into the spiritual realms, most of us have spiritual beliefs concerning a higher power or powers. No matter what path we follow, or what name we choose to call that higher power, there is something that created all that we see each day, including us. Therefore, we are not alone. The Creator of All-That-Is is with us every day. Prayer and meditation provides a connection to that Divine.

Finally, looking at the mundane, you would have to be orphaned, without any form of communication, living in total isolation to truly be physically alone at all times. Whether we want to admit it or not, we do have someone we call family, we do have friends or at least acquaintances, and some of us have pets. We are not alone.

Even if family and friends aren’t right there, they are reachable. It’s up to us to reach out. The problem usually lies in the fact that once we get in that down-in-the-dumps, self-pity party mood, we pull back rather than reach out. Why do we do that? My belief is that, in an effort to provide the validity of the feeling, our egos do what’s necessary to reinforce the feeling we are alone. So we pull back at a time when we should be and need to be reaching out.

Awareness plays a HUGE part in overcoming this. An awareness of what I’ve previously stated about not being alone and why, but also an awareness of where all this started for you personally. Did you have an incident happen to you when you were a child or young adult that impressed this feeling upon your mind? Perhaps there was more than one, that then reinforced the feelings impressed by the first one. You need to be willing to dig as deeply as necessary to discover where it all began.

Discovery of the source of your fears and anxieties can be very scary. If you want things to change in your life, you must be ready and willing to feel the fear and dive deeply into what lies inside you. Most of us require help to do that. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for that help. Ridding yourself of beliefs and practices that no longer serve you is the road to healing and self-realization. It paves the road to a better, brighter future and we ALL deserve that!

When you reach a point where you relish your solitude and where you are willing to wait for the “right” person to come along, then you’ve succeeded in overcoming your fear of being alone. You have embraced the experience that started it all and let it go. I wish that for everyone of you who now struggles with the dread of being alone. If I, and others, can overcome it, you most definitely can too.


Love & Blessed Be


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