You’ve probably heard it, time and again, we’re spiritual beings having a physical experience. Well, it is true, but I don’t think many of us stop to think about that when we’re in the middle of one of Life’s many changes or challenges. For many, the response can be “Why me?” We feel like we’re being punished and wonder what we could have possibly done to deserve what is now happening to us.
It took me a while to catch on, but when I kept having the same type of incident repeatedly happen in my life, albeit with different people playing the parts, I realized these were lessons. We are here to learn, grow, and evolve. How can you do that without tests and pop quizzes? Sometimes it does seem unfair. Here you were just trying to live your life the best way possible and, all of a sudden, something happens to pull the rug out from under your feet.
Age doesn’t matter. You can be a child, a teen, a young adult, or even a senior citizen and the lessons can keep coming at you. We pray for help in curing this situation. What we often don’t realize is that that situation came along to help us with something we came here to do. If it’s been repeating itself, then we’re still not quite getting it. We need to take a closer look at what’s happening. We need to be aware that it’s happening for a reason and is definitely not here to punish us. That can be difficult at times because of the circumstances and the timing, but it really IS happening for us to learn something.
These occurrences can sometimes be happening to someone close to us, but because of our relationship with that person, there’s a lesson in it for us as well. That lesson can be as simple as developing patience or compassion; staying grounded and centered in the midst of crisis; or just having faith that there are solutions and miracles still do happen. This was all brought home to me, once again, in the past week.
My husband has had an irregular heartbeat all his life. Most of his life, it’s caused him little concern. It was 2002 when it started to become more of a concern and 2011 when it started to become a serious concern as his heart would go into a-fib and not come out. He would go into congestive heart failure and end up in the ER. They would then have to stop his heart and restart it to bring him out of the a-fib.
In 2011, we had no insurance. We are one of those households without enough income to afford insurance payments, but too much income for assistance. The bills would come pouring in – tens of thousands of dollars-worth – and I would freak, not knowing what we were going to do.
In 2013, it happened again. He was still working. Our income was still too low to afford insurance and too high for assistance. Tens or thousands of more bills came pouring in. I was the one who dealt with them all. I talked to each office that sent a bill, wrote letters telling them what we could do as far as paying them. After all, he didn’t need the stress to send him into another event while he was still trying to work to keep money coming in.
I can’t speak to what the lesson is for him. I can only tell you that, for me, it was to realize that you can only do what you can do. No more, no less. Getting freaked about it resolves nothing and can only make things worse. Where money is concerned, that’s always been a hard lesson for me. You see, I learned my financially responsible nature and the freaking out over not having enough money from my mother. I watched her do both as I was growing up. It programmed me well.
So, here we are in 2017. He’s been retired for 3 years and it’s been 4 ½ years since his last incident. We’re living on Social Security, for the most part, and he still doesn’t have insurance but will next year when he’s eligible for Medicare and receives a small pension that will pay for it. Guess what just happened?
We believe it all started when he caught a chill while out camping in June. By July, he began to experience edema in his lower legs. By late August, it was moving upward and he was beginning to have trouble catching his breath. He didn’t want to deal with the AMA and hospitals at all again, but said if he wasn’t better after he attended two more expos he had already paid to vend at, then we’d go.
The night of September’s New Moon, it was time. We went to the local ER and the journey/lesson began again. I found myself amazingly calm – matter-of-fact, if you will. I had to question if I had become devoid of emotion. I hadn’t. I just knew this had to be done.
At the hospital, I filled out papers for financial assistance, but didn’t seem to be freaking out. How curious. They said they would have to transfer him to a bigger hospital so he could get proper care. I said I hoped they would accept him since we still owed them money from the last time he went through this. I was told that was not a consideration. Okay.
A week has passed and I’ve remained relatively calm. Today, they implanted a defibrillator in his chest to keep him for having a heart attack. I know the bills will be pouring in before long. I’ve filled out more paperwork for financial assistance for this hospital and talked to their financial aid person. I still have no clue how we will pay for any of this and yet I remain fairly calm. Perhaps the lesson brought to me, through him and these occurrences, has finally sunk in – you can only do what you can do. No more, no less.
The good news is that he came through the procedure very well and, hopefully, this defibrillator will keep him out of the hospital. The good news for me is that I think I finally let go of the programming I learned so well from my mother. Looks like we will both be healing nicely.