I hope you’ll pardon me, but I’m feeling a little nostalgic. You see, in a few weeks I celebrate another year of this incarnation….I will be 69. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it. Although I may finally be starting to look my age, inside I’m still in my 30s – 40s at the most. It’s true I have some aches and pains, but then I’ve been dealing with those since my mid to late 20s, thanks to arthritis. I guess that’s why it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that 69 years have passed.
What really started to bring it home was the realization that my daughter will be 50 this year and I just became a great-grandma in December. Time marches on. I, however, feel hardly any different than I did 30 years ago. Strange.
I have to admit there’s a lot of memories, both good and bad, packed into my years. How could there not be having been married four times and living the last 43 years (come the end of April) walking the path of Wicca? It certainly has made life interesting. I can honestly say I’ve learned a lot – about myself, other people, and Life in general.
I think most people, especially as they get older, wonder if they’ve made a difference, if they’ll be remembered for anything, if there’s more to do that is of importance. Many of us don’t realize the way we touch other people’s lives, even if just for a moment. There have been many who have come and gone throughout my life. Some have come, gone, and returned. Most probably aren’t even aware of the impact they’ve had on my life or the things I’ve learned from their presence. I am truly grateful for the lessons and opportunities they have brought into my life. To all the friends, family, and passers-by in my Life, “Thank you!”
For me, I can honestly say I never dreamed I would do some of the things that I’ve done or been part of some of the things I’ve been part of. Many of those things I really didn’t want to do, but saw a necessity in them being done and helping to make that a part of this reality. If you’re an introvert, you can relate to not wanting to be out in public and especially not wanting to be the center of attention in any way, shape or form. I guess that’s what’s meant by “when the Spirit moves you.” I knew it was the right thing to do even though my personality/ego wanted nothing to do with it. As the years passed, I actually knew when something was coming from Spirit because my ego was so very resistant to it! Thus, with the help of others, came into being such things as Temple of Wicca, Magickal Unicorn Messenger, Goddess Gathering, and Raven-Wolf Nature Sanctuary. Yeah…there is a pattern there. They are all connected to my spiritual path. I do hear the voice of the Goddess.
When I sit and wonder if I’ve done anything of importance, I’d have to list these things and hope that, although none of them were ever done solely by me, I will be remembered for my part in them. From these things, I know some people’s lives have been touched and I know this is the reason why they all had to come into existence. It puts a smile on my face to know that while I was learning many things from being part of each one of them, others were experiencing some life-enhancing moments as well. Yes…definitely some win-win moments were had.
Oh…and those memories? They serve another purpose as well. In those moments when I can’t see the road ahead clearly or the moments when an emotional storm seems to be raging within me, I think of those times and those people and it reminds me that everyone one of us, no matter how unimportant we may think we are, does make a difference in this world and especially in other people’s lives. (I guess that’s why I love the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” so much.)
So, what does one do after doing all this? I’m not sure. at this point. The average person thinks of people my age and the word “retirement” comes to mind and that conjures up images of relaxing, vacationing, just lounging around. While I don’t work a formal job anymore and my spiritual duties have been reduced to taking care of the finances for Raven-Wolf and maintaining the Temple of Wicca, I find that there are lots and lots of things that fill up my days – doing astrology charts, writing, counseling people, etc.
What I’d like to do is train some new seekers to the path of Wicca. I’d also like to help some others empower themselves by getting to know who they really are, at their core, underneath all the programming. I’d enjoy continuing to write, do astrology charts, create more artwork, and just be at peace with each day of Life. I know I will be here for quite a while yet so I’m hoping for something interesting and educational to cross my path, but who knows what lies ahead on this road I’m traveling? There may be some real surprises and adventures that I can’t even conceive of yet!