The Journey Continues – Bewildered and Bothered

Perplexed EmoSomething happened the other day that I wasn’t even involved in, but it started a whole train of thought with me that I feel I need to write about.

Our neighbors are elderly folks, in their 80s, who are financially comfortable. They have time and money to do whatever they need to do. I think that’s wonderful. The problem is, I believe they think we are as financially comfortable as they are. When something goes wrong on our property, they seem to think we should immediately fix it or hire someone to do the work. Oh, that this was possible! This caused an incident between the neighbor man and my husband last week. I wasn’t involved and I realize that the neighbors really have no idea of how are lives are, but it got me to thinking.

You see when we moved into this big, Victorian fixer-upper, I really thought that by now we would have things fixed. That was 22 years ago, come Halloween. Life has been more than interesting for us. It’s been that old standard – when there was money, there wasn’t time and when there was time there wasn’t much or any money to sink into the house. I have no real regrets. We’ve done our very best with what we’ve had to work with – both time and money.

Now we are in our 60s and I look back and have to ask myself, “Why didn’t things turn out the way I thought they would?” It’s both bewildering and bothering at the same time. If I allow the “train” to follow a track built by the standards of society, I would feel very bad, like a failure. Even though I don’t feel like a failure, being a Witch and an energy worker, I have to ask where my energies have been all these years that I haven’t manifested the totally renovated Victorian house that I’ve dreamed of since the day I first saw it.

There seems to be an important message in here for me and it deals with more than the condition of my house or my bank account. It has to do with both my expectations, my dreams and how I’ve allowed my programming, my emotions and my energies to create my current reality. Now, I’m not going to take any “Oh, woe is me” trip here. I’m far too practical for that and I’ve also learned, after all these years, to get over myself pretty easily and quickly, but I really would like to know if there’s room for improvement and how that might happen.

If there is some part of me that doesn’t expect anything more than what is happening right now in my life, while another part of me has big dreams and plans, that creates a very curious vibrational message that’s being sent out to the Universe. Picture talking to someone. With one hand you’re waving them on, while with the other hand you’re telling them to stop. What do you think that person would do? They would be confused and not know whether to proceed or stop, but to be safe, they would probably stop.

Everything is about vibration. Like does attract like. The Universe matches our vibration and sends that to us. That being the case, is it any wonder my house is nowhere near being the renovated place I’ve dreamed of? While we have been able to fix it up somewhat (I’m motioning the Universe on), it hasn’t even been close to what we want to do (“Stop!”) Mixed messages have created this reality for me.

The journey made thus far in Life often creates doubts and fears that we are not consciously aware of. This is particularly true if something has repeatedly happened throughout that journey. It becomes what is expected, even though there is no basis in fact to believe that to be true. We just expect it to happen because that’s what’s happened before. WELL…if you’re going to have expectations, why not have ones that are positive rather than expecting disappointment or failure? Believe me, dear reader, I’m asking myself this as much as I’m asking you.

I got to thinking the other day about all the affirmations I have used over the years that have never seemed to work. Have you ever had that happen? You just gave up, right? Because nothing seemed to be happening, even though you were reciting it numerous times a day? Me too. That did cause me to remember something I read in The Promise of Energy Psychology by David Feinstein (Donna Eden’s husband). He talked about the reasons affirmations may not be working.

There’s a lot of inner dialogue that happens so quickly we are unaware of it. This inner dialogue often contains beliefs that something negative will happen. This can have a very strong effect on us and creates a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” For example, consciously you may be using an affirmation like, “I am an excellent tennis player.” Unconsciously, your inner dialogue may counter with, “but I’m too uncoordinated to ever play well.” Called a “tail-ender”, it is subtle, outside your conscious awareness and has a very powerful effect. What this is telling you, and me, is that what is desired is not possible or that we are incapable of it. Included in this can be unacknowledged or unwanted consequences of reaching that goal. What ends up happening is that the affirmation you are aiming at a goal ends up really reaffirming the reasons that goal can’t or shouldn’t be reached.

Is this what I’ve been doing all these 22 years? As a magickal person, I have to ask how much of this bleeds into my magick. I’ve always found it easier to do magick for others rather than myself. Perhaps that’s because I see no reason why it shouldn’t work for them and, internally, when the magick is for myself I’m countering it unconsciously with all the reasons it can’t or shouldn’t happen. That certainly causes me a moment of pause and consideration.

So what does one do about it? Well, quite a while ago, I wrote about “tapping” and how you can rid yourself of fears, phobias and even create wonderful things for yourself using it. Perhaps, it’s time for me to seriously get down with myself and some tapping. Life will not change unless I do. If I want this wonderful old house brought back to the glory of former times, then I need to remove the obstacles to reaching that. It doesn’t matter “how” it will happen, that’s not for me to solve, but I have to clear a path so the Universe can reach me with the information or opportunity.

So, I give thanks for the incident that started all this. The “gods” truly do reach us with messages in the most unusual ways sometimes and I am grateful for this opportunity to create something different in my life.  Oh…thanks for listening!

May you open the way to your own abundance and adventure!

Empowerment-zoneLove & Blessed Be

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