Where do I begin to tell this latest tale? My journey of 66 years has been interesting. It’s provided many an opportunity for growth and learning. There have been journeys to the heights of elation and to the depths of despair. The light bulbs have gone on as I came to some realizations that occur when you are in the process of awakening to who you truly are. There are still many light bulbs to be lit. No matter what has occurred in my life, the one thing I can say is that I have survived…landed on my feet…perhaps with a few new scars, but the wiser for it. Life is nothing like I imagined in my youth, but I’m not disappointed.
Recently, my husband of 22 years, lost his job of 17 years. The details aren’t important. Those belong to his journey and are his to tell, if he so chooses. What is important to this story is what that has brought to me in the form of unresolved lessons.
I am a Taurus and obviously chose that sign to learn about money and the material world we all live in. Raised by a Scorpio mother who lived as an adult through the Great Depression, I watched her reactions to matters of money and photographed, into my psyche, her anxiety when money became tight or was lost or she had to return to work. I learned to handle money carefully; to stretch a dollar until it was transparent and a penny until Lincoln screamed, “Uncle!”. This was the foundation that I built my adulthood on.
Add to this the fact I have started my life over three or four times as I left and divorced the three men I had previously married and you see a picture forming of a woman who had come here to learn about the real value of the material world and how to have faith in the immaterial world. The format for learning those lessons has sometimes been traumatic. It would seem that every time I started to feel financially secure, the Universe would come along with a situation that would yank the rug out from under me and I would find myself on my butt, broke again.
My first response has usually been sheer panic. Hysteria might even be a better word. Mom had taught me well, by example, and I was faithfully carrying on the tradition. When I was younger, and the economy and job market was better than it is now, I would find a job, return to work and get my financial legs back under me. That’s not so easy, almost impossible, for someone 66 who has spent most of her working life in a factory, in the current economy and job market. I took my Social Security at 62 because, quite frankly, we needed the money.
So, here we are. An interesting scenario has presented itself once again. Almost no assistance is available due to the circumstances. All the cards I’ve ever held in my hand have been played over the years. I have few, if any, answers to this dilemma. What now?
Well, to be honest, first came shock. Then came that ever-familiar “freaking-out”, but I’m older and hopefully wiser. Realizing that “like attracts like” I needed to get my wounded, frightened ego under control. I’m a Witch. How do I “fix” this? First came the patchouli incense to banish negativity, mine or anyone else’s, from the house and the situation. Then came aromatherapy using lavender oil. I had learned of this when looking for something that would help me to raise my vibrations above my occasional bouts of depression. I began using it multiple times a day to calm and soothe that panicky ego of mine.
Once I had reestablished some balance and harmony to my being and surroundings, I picked up a wonderful deck of cards called, Archangel Michael by Doreen Virtue. I had been introduced to them earlier this year by a friend of my daughter. When I put them on my Amazon wish list, they appeared as a birthday gift from my daughter. I am very grateful for that gift because I’ve always had a special connection to Michael.
Although most people view the Archangels as something specific to Christianity, there are some traditions of Wicca that recognize them as the Guardians of the Watchtowers (directions) in our sacred Circles. Of the four that we recognize (Raphael, Michael, Gabriel and Uriel), Michael has always made himself known to members who belong to my Temple. He has been a guide and a guardian to me through some of the roughest times in my life. Why wouldn’t I now turn to him for advice?
So, I shuffled the cards while asking for guidance on this current turn-of-events, cut them once, and pulled the top card from the pile. “Believe and Trust” was the card with the following prayer at the bottom: “Before going to sleep tonight, say: Archangel Michael, please enter my dreams and replace fear with faith and trust. Let me be filled with strength, courage, and confidence.” I opened the book and read the meaning. It SO fit the situation! I’ve used the prayer almost every night since then and find that the anxiety has dropped to almost nil.
Some temporary help has appeared and there are some things in the works that, hopefully, will come to fruition soon. We are at least in a safe place until the end of October.
Last night, I shuffled the cards again, this time looking to see if there was anything further I should be focusing on. When I cut them and drew the top card… “Believe and Trust” appeared once more. Seems the message is pretty clear and the lesson is still in progress. Something else I can tell you is that there is a peace inside of me. I have absolutely no idea how this will resolve itself, but I know that currently I don’t have the answer. I can’t “fix” this with the tools I have used in the past. So, I’m living in the moment, reminding myself regularly that in this moment, in this place, I/we are safe. The bills are paid and there is money for food. To be able to continue that energy requires me to remember that and to be grateful for all I do have right now.
So, dear reader, know that, no matter what your age, the lessons continue until you release the fears, the doubts, the pain of past events. You’re never to old to allow peace, prosperity, joy and love into your life and your being.