Two weeks ago I wrote that I was aware I had much more learning to do. I must have been prophesizing my own future for what has ensued has become very enlightening.
You see, I’m a Taurus for a reason – I obviously came into this incarnation to do a great deal of work on the subject of money and material possessions. The past two weeks (and this week in particular) have shown me that I still have much to learn and much to let go of where these two subjects are concerned.
In 2002, I was overjoyed when I was able to buy my “dream car” – a 2001 red Mustang convertible. I had been waiting 36 years for this day and I can’t begin to describe the flood of emotions I felt as the keys were handed to me and I drove it home. But, you see, even the purchase of the car was part of the lesson of money, material possessions and manifestation. I wasn’t working and I really had no idea how I was going to pay for it. There was no money in the household budget to make that car payment, but the car was mine and I had 45 days to figure out how to make that first payment.
Long story short…I got a job. The real point was that I manifested my dream car but had failed to include in my vision how to pay for it, so I did what I always had done – I made it work by going to work.
I hadn’t read about the Law of Attraction yet, but I was a Witch, with almost 30 years experience, and should have been better at my magick than I apparently was. Anyone familiar with the Law of Attraction knows the “how” is supposed to be the job of the Universe (Creative Force, God, etc.) That little detail was never made apparent in my learning of magick until I learned about the “Law”. So, I had done the visualizing, manifested the car, got the car and never gave a thought to how this was going to be paid for…and then panicked!…resorting to tried and true methods I had always used, making it work by struggling. (You know…the old, “pounding a square peg into a round hole” routine.)
Eleven years have passed. I still have that wonderful car. It’s been loyal to me and a joy to have – until two weeks ago. I came home for grocery shopping to find something hanging down from my front end. It turned out to be a guard, nothing to really worry about, but in the course of removing it, my husband discovered that brace holding my radiator in place looked like a piece of Swiss cheese. This is not good! So, I took it to my mechanic and he verified there was definite deterioration and I shouldn’t drive it any more than necessary until it could be fixed. Okay, I can deal with this. At the worst, they’d have to weld a piece in. How bad can that be?
This past Monday, my world was turned rather askew. The mechanic had taken it to a body shop to have it welded and the body shop informed him that my car was so rusted out underneath that it was unsafe to drive! My beautiful, wonderful car!!! I spent the afternoon bouncing between anger and sorrow. At one moment, crying my eyes out at the possible loss of my car and angry, shaking my fist at the heavens, because there is no money (once again) for the purchase of a new car.
I’m not looking for sympathy here. This happened, and continues, for a reason. After all this time, I’m embarrassed to say, I still obviously haven’t gotten the lesson about money and manifesting. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt the need to be angry or found myself in the depths of despair. It’s pretty plain that I’m missing something here. Has lack become such a habit that I don’t know how to accept abundance? Or is it that I’ve lived with lack for so long that I expect it rather than the flow of abundance into my life? Has the financial “rug” been pulled out from under my feet so often during the course of my 65 years, that I FEAR it and therefore draw it to me without any effort at all?
Taureans are builders; they make things happen; they’re doers. That could be another part of the problem. I’ve been fixing things for so long, finding solutions to problems – whether mine or someone else’s – for most of my adult life. How does one stop doing that and allow the Universe to do Its job? There’s something that says to me, that I have a problem with that because when I do rely on someone else to do something for me, my experience has usually been that it often doesn’t happen. So am I being so skeptical that I truly DOUBT that the Universe will do Its job? Well, that vibration will get me absolutely no assistance from the Universe because it responds to what I’m vibrating! Sheesh!!! I truly am my own worst enemy!
It has been very interesting to observe myself. It’s also very interesting that the Universe is trying to “message” me by putting other people’s words in front of me to let me know that I have been heard. One such instance happened Wednesday, when this wonderful, brief post by James Need appeared in my inbox entitled Allow! Allow! Allow! Basically, it told me to just relax and let go. I needed that. If you’d like to read it, in its entirety just follow this link: http://jamesneed2.wordpress.com/2013/09/11/allow-allow-allow/
That was followed on Thursday, by more inspiration from the same author who reminded me, Stop pushing and forcing life… http://jamesneed.wordpress.com/2013/09/12/stop-pushing-and-forcing-life/ Yes, the Universe was truly trying to reach me and tell me what I had to do in order for It to do Its job.
So, here I am without a solution for the matter of my car. One of the positive steps I have made is to decide not to decide anything until I bring myself back to a better state of equilibrium. The other is to admit I don’t have the answer to this one. and then hand it over to the Universe, hoping that something or someone will cross my path to make it evident that this is a possible course of action.
I really wasn’t kidding when I still have a long, long way to go and this seems to be one of the tougher lessons for me. Will I give up? Lose hope? Absolutely not! I did want to share it with you because I know I’m not the only one facing life lessons that can be frustrating and that seem defeating. We all have them. I guess the thing to realize is that none of us are alone and that we can overcome these lessons and become empowered through learning to look at and respond to life in a new way.
May your life lessons happen easily and may you allow the Universe the opportunity to find the solutions for you. Until next time…